do you ever think about how little Michelangelo cared
All right, everyone, grab a chair and sit back because I’m going to share with you what I learned about Michelangelo and the Sistine Chapel in my Art History Class.
The man NEVER wanted to paint the damn thing. But the pope at the time “forced him to” According to my teacher. Michelangelo hated this man, I MEAN REALLY HATED HIM. So did a majority of people. The pope’s nickname translated literally means “Terrible pope”.
And the working conditions were awful. He had to work on his back with all that paint, which is filled with some toxic shit that gave Michelangelo a limp for the rest of his life.
(Also, our teacher made us get on our backs and try drawing with both hands JUST to prove how bad and uncomfortable it is.)
At the time, the ceiling was so high, you could barely see it. You need binoculars to get a good look at what’s up there, by the time people could see the paintings, there was a lot of weird symbolism that Michelangelo hid up there.
This one? The creation of the sun and moon? God is mooning you. And the pope and all others after him prayed under that without knowing.
This one? At the time, dissecting was sacrilegious and everyone found out how behind God was what looked like half a brain. blah blah, science, science, that pissed everyone off.
And also, ALLLLLLL the men and women in the Sistine Chapel are all on fucking steroids. My teacher described the women’s bodies as "Men bodies with boobs slapped on."
And then there is this:
Now this is the back wall. Michelangelo actually wanted to paint this one after he finished the ceiling. (and there was a different pope too, I believe.) However, originally, EVERYONE in that painting was naked. And they didn’t like it. Adam and Eve naked? That’s cool. But Jesus? Now you crossed the line. So the pope at the time hired someone else to censor it and give the important figures clothes. He worked on it for 6 or 9 months before he died.
And then the symbolism in this one is great. Somewhere in the right, there are homosexuals in heaven. (No matter what, the Vatican will say “Those straight men are happy” I’ll get to that in a second), Michelangelo painted himself near Jesus, and the terrible pope is in hell with a snake biting his balls.
And if you were to point ANY of this out to the Vatican, they will deny all of it and claim Michelangelo was a catholic hero. In fact, when they discovered the symbolism around the 60s or 70s, the guy who told the Vatican was kicked out of the Vatican for life.
TL;DR: Michelangelo hated the pope and made the best “fuck you” of all time.
YO. ALL OF THIS^. Michelangelo was hella grumpy all of the time. It was fantastic.
However, as beautiful as this commentary is, I’m gonna make a little correction. The Pope isn’t the one in hell getting his balls bitten; that guy is actually the Papal Minister of Ceremonies a the time, Biagio de Cesena.
See, when Michelangelo was painting this, as you said, lots of people were uncomfortable with all of the nudity (especially because the Last Judgement [back wall mural] was painted much later when nudity in religious art was even more controversial than before), but the dude who was the angriest was de Cesena.
He was so angry that he reportedly burst in on Michelangelo while he was working (which is already a big no-no because Michelangelo’s requirements for working were mostly “fuck the hell off and leave me alone or else I quit and I will stab you in the eye with my paintbrush/chisel”.). He then proceeds to tell Michelangelo that this fresco is disgusting and obscene and shame on him etc etc. He also referred to it as “i stui di nudi”, which means “A stew of nudes” which is one of the best descriptions of a thing ever, if you ask me.
So Michelangelo, probably on the cusp of homicide is like “Thank you for the notes. Now get the fuck out,” and de Cesena reluctantly does.
Later, he comes to see the finished product and finds that Michelangelo had painted his portrait down in Hell to represent the Minos, King of the Dead. He has the ears of an ass and the above described crotch biting snake:
Upon seeing this and being enraged, de Cesena went to the Pope to demand that it be changed and that Michelangelo be punished. However, the Pope was SO incredibly done dealing with Michelangelo’s snark, tantrums, and general hatred of the world and everyone in it, that he didn’t want to do shit.
The Pope’s response to him was literally to say “As Pope, I have a lot of influence on Earth and up in Heaven, but I have no jurisdiction in Hell. You’re shit out of luck.”
And it stayed.
Michelangelo, grade A artist, snark master, and professional dick.
DING DING HELLO YES READ THIS
SO way back in the renaissance as much as people were learning science and shit and making great improvements in learning how to make people look like real people in art, there was still this big obsession with idealizing the figure. Everyone did it.
Like really. Everyone.
And so even though Michelangelo made everyone look like a big buff dude that wasn’t always because he just had a special love for drawing dicks,
The female form wasn’t considered perfect back then. If you were a goddess or something maybe yeah they might make you look like a lady but Michelangelo wasn’t really into the female form
(Despite how fuckin PHENOMENAL his Pieta is)
So when he painted and sculpted women to look more like men it was partially to show off his skill in the masculine form but also it elevated those figures to a higher level of appreciation. Women were still seen as like Eve, especially in the church. So even though they don’t look like women he’s still giving them the same status as a man to make them “better.”
2 new colours for the floral deer headband, available @ www.dollydarling.bigcartel.com/
When my hands don’t play the strings the same way…
"Those people with stretched ears and tattoos are all bad news."
107,000 NOTES IS NOT ENOUGH.
i’ve reblogged this about 6 times. i’ll never not reblog this.
"And all guys who take AP classes and play sports are tasteful &great respectful young men"
That’s what he told me after saying that I want him to be mine, exclusively, but I also don’t want to.
I don’t know why… I have always been sure of my decisions and when I want something, I strive hard to get it.
But when it comes to him… my head is in some kind of jam.
It always happens whenever he kisses me. He blows my mind, that’s a sure fact. And I want to do some couple-y, corny stuff with him. There were times when I am on girlfriend-mode with him, while there are moments when I don’t want to speak to him.
I crave him. I crave him more than anything— his kiss, his touch, the warmth of his body in contact with mine, how he’d say my name when he’s happy, how he’d say it when he’s sad, his hands holding mine, how he’d look at me like I am the most beautiful person, and how I know that his smiles are only for me.
But we are not a couple.
He says that if we were to go beyond, we won’t last. And I know that too.
But sometimes I wonder, what if we do work? What if we both want it to last? Will it?
"Let’s try to keep this simple because I hate having to write such long things about you. The thing with you is that you’re arrogant and ever since you’ve entered my life, it’s been chaotic like hell but you are also the best thing that’s ever happened to me. The way you try to act cool and pretend like you hate me, you’re my ‘once in a lifetime kinda love’ and I don’t know what I’d do without you."-Daily Relatable Love Quotes (via thelovewhisperer)
Remember when I asked you to kiss me before you go to work in the morning even when I’m asleep? Yes. I do remember. And I did ask someone if you did that before you left.
Well, do you remember how you would comb my hair before I go to school and buy me clothes that I don’t want to wear because I was a little kid back then? Yes. I do remember. And I remember how excited I was when you bought that pink dress because it was like the dress I saw on a disney movie.
Do you also remember when I used to call you “Mommy” instead of “Ma”? I still do…and I caught myself saying that when I sleep.
Do you remember when you bought me that Hello Kitty toothbrush set to lure me into brushing my teeth after eating? Yes. I do remember and brushed my teeth five times a day for a week.
And hey, do you remember when we used to buy clothes when we feel like it and stroll at the mall for hours?
Oh, how about when you forced me to wear clothes that I don’t want because you said they looked good on me instead of the jeans and tshirt that wear everyday? Yes, they do look good on me.
How about the day when you left and you called me to say that you’ll be back after a week, you just need to cool down for a bit because everything is in chaos? I remembered crying secretly in the girls’ CR of my school after that.
How about the day when I am far away from home and you’d text me every hour just to say I love you? I remember showing it to my friends, feeling embarrassed because they never got those kinds of messages. I felt so loved, and I missed you and I want to go home.
I hope you do remember… because I do. I remember every single thing and it sucks that I am crying while typing these because that’s all I could do… remember.
I’m sorry, Mommy…and I hope you’d forgive me soon.
My brother, who broke his brand new laptop in less than 6 months and who is constantly failing in school is getting a new phone. So yeah.